Once more, once more I’ve fallen into the slump. The slump of self-doubt.
I feel so stuck: I thought I’d gotten over it and knew how to handle my phases of self-consciousness. But I’m tired as well, tired of always trying to lift myself up from the gloomy hole I’ve fallen in once more. I just don’t feel like I’ve got any energy left for that.
I want to release myself from all these negative thoughts and feelings that eat me from within.
I am terribly afraid of failure. Not the kind in which you don’t have lots of money or aren’t popular. I worry that I won’t ever achieve my goals. Do what I want to do. I’m scared of life and the future. Where will I be? What will I do? Who will I be?
I’m waiting for a sign showing me that all I’m doing is not in vain. I don’t know how long I can go on like this, desperatedly searching for something that’ll make things bearable again and make me believe in myself. Urge me to go on….