Not Wanting to Dig too Deep

I have recently started going to a therapist for my anxiety and feelings of “downness”. It’s something that I’ve been dealing with more or less for the past few years; I’m not sure what exactly made me take that step just right now.

One part of my road to self-exploration and, ultimately, self-help is trying to figure out what is actually bothering me and what, perhaps, in my past may cause me to feel and react in these ways. This all sounds reasonable.

But…

I am not sure whether I want to rehash my past and stir up old feelings. Though nothing severe has ever happened to me and I am lucky to say that I’ve never experienced any trauma, I am still hesitant to deal with my now long-buried emotions. I know there are incidents and memories in my life that I’ve stored remotely in the back of my head (there was a struggle to get them and make them stay there; not to be completely consumed by them).

I am afraid of what I might realise if I uncover those “unknown” deep hidden pieces of myself.

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8 comments

  1. Y. Lee · April 3, 2016

    I’ve been there and thankfully out the other side. While it is scary and exhausting, I will say from experience that once you wrestle with those things from your past it leads to acceptance, and then forgiveness if necessary and your past no longer plagues you. —So, when you have things in the future that plague you, you already know that you don’t have to go all the way to your past to figure things out.

    I know it sounds like a stretch, but lets just say that with on and off depression and anxiety, I know what you’re going through. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    • Lifespotting Twenties · April 4, 2016

      It doesn’t sound like a stretch at all, I can well imagine that it’s just the way to go. I just have to overcome my uneasiness about it. I’m happy to hear that you’ve overcome yours! And thank you, it’s always good to know that someone knows what one is going through. 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Paul Lamb · April 3, 2016

    I never had any hidden memories. I knew and remembered all of the things that happened in my life. But seeing a therapist and talking with her about them made me understand them more fully. This allowed me to put it all together and see the lingering and crippling influence my past has had on my present. Whether this will help me deal with my depression or merely confirm it, I don’t know, but I am glad that I got some therapy.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Juaquina Carter · April 17, 2016

    I am so proud of you for seeking outside help. That is a step I’m still hesitating to take. It just seems a bit overwhelming for several reasons. The biggest reason is I am not sure where to start or how to even pay for it. How did you go about finding a therapist?

    I also just wanted to congratulate you on that big step! Someone once told me they were afraid of unraveling because they weren’t sure if they would come back together again. However, they later learned unraveling was an important step in their journey. So, allow yourself to unravel and rehash things you tried to bury. Bringing them to the surface will not allow them consume you; it will create a space for a true healing to take place in a way that you won’t have to bury anything else. Best wishes!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Lifespotting Twenties · April 17, 2016

      Thank you, once again, for your kind message!! I can totally understand that it feels like an overwhelming decision. It definitely was like that for me and I sort of pushed it off for a while.
      I know, figuring out whom and where to go to is tricky. For me, it all came together without me doing anything in the end, as my new GP just transferred (that is told me about) a “speech therapist” I could consult.
      My situation, and struggles, are, luckily, not as bad as I know some people with serious mental illnesses’ are but, nevertheless, I made the decision to try and find ways for me to deal with my anxiety. And I do believe “smaller issues” are just as legitimate to seek help for. Obviously, therapy is about helping onself but, I’ve got to admit to you, I’m not quite sure what to make of it as of yet for it does feel at times that I’m paying for someone to listen to me with them hardly giving me any real advice. I’ve only been to three sessions yet so I wouldn’t make any real assessment of it yet. I can let you know what I think as I go along, if you want me to.

      Yes, I’m sure you’re right. It seriously is scary to just unravel, and while there is nothing truly serious or traumatic that has happened to me, I’m just a person who, when they’ve experienced something painful, shameful, or embarrassing, simply does not want to think about or deal with it ever again. I still have to grow when it comes to that.
      Thank you – best wishes to you, too 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

      • Juaquina Carter · April 17, 2016

        Oh my goodness I can so relate to you in so many ways. I would love for you to keep me updated with how you feel about it as you keep going if you don’t mind! 🙂 My email is juaquina.carter@gmail.com we should definitely keep in contact. Kindred spirits! ❤

        Liked by 1 person

      • Lifespotting Twenties · April 17, 2016

        I know right?! 😉 That’s what I love about blogging – finding people who are going through the same thing and who can really relate to you.
        Sure thing, I’ll keep you updated! Thanks for your e-mail adress – I’ll write you in the next days! 🙂
        Absolutely, I’d love that!! Hope you enjoy the rest of your day! Talk soon ❤

        Liked by 1 person

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