A Rant.

This is going to be an unusual post. For this blog journal anyway. Mostly I focus on sharing my thoughts and feelings, sometimes finding others whom I can relate to and vice versa. But today I’ve got to rant.

I’m gonna come out right away, in fact readily admit, that I don’t love working in the service sector. Currently I work for a big international company as a sales assistant in one of their shops in my hometown. Don’t get me wrong, I do enjoy my job and love my coworkers AND superiors (!!!) and after working there for a year I still like the brand and the products we sell.

There’s just one thing. The customers. I know that I might not be the most suitable person for this kind of work of people-pleasing: I don’t smile all that much (or rather I don’t if I don’t have no reason to) and I usually take it personally if someone is rude. And I’m not ashamed of that. I’m not gonna (rhetorically) question when everything has changed ¬†and since when people (i.e. customers) have started thinking they can act any which way while still receiving impeccable service as I believe the answer is that it’s always been this way. However, I don’t have that cool and calm persona not to at least react slightly to impoliteness.

I know retail (and restaurant/hotel business) will have you believe that we, the employees, are your own personal servants. But we decidedly are not. If you don’t have much time/are in a hurry, don’t go buy a watch that’ll need resizing and other stuff like writing of warranty booklets etc. and then demand to have it engraved and get tax free on top of that. And definitely don’t rush somebody who has been working there for less than a month and has not yet mastered how to adjust watches by reminding them you’re in a hurry. That’s not our problem.

Anyway, I just needed to get all of this off my chest. Today’s been a particularly difficult day. I also feel like I need to point out that I only work part-time (I’m a full-time student) and that I admire anyone who survives 40h weeks after 40h weeks of this sort of madness.

Motivation

Why do I keep doing this to myself? Why have I not learned by now how to just pull myself together and get things done?

Where is my drive, my ambition, my committment, my dedication?

The more I procrastinate, the more I push things off, the more I’ll struggle to keep up with everything. I feel like it all will spiral out of control unless I do something soon. I thought I’d had my wake-up call months ago; I guess I didn’t hit rock bottom hard enough.

I feel at loss. I don’t know how to change myself in time to be able to achieve all the goals I’ve set myself. I wish I had a way – a little routine maybe – that would ensure I do the things I’m supposed to.

As of right now, I fear I won’t ever find the necessary motivation.