This has been my constant worry recently: everybody seems to get ahead but me. Working towards entering a particular career field is never easy but when your field of choice is within the arts and entertainment industry, it often feels impossible.
One of the most toxic things one can do when trying to figure out a direction to start out with is to compare oneself with others. In more rational moments I am aware of this. It is easier said than done, however.
I can almost physically feel my resentment and envy dragging me down into a dark, infinite place where negative thoughts and depression reign. Only yesterday I struggled with bouts of self-doubt and feelings of hopelessness. I considered writing it all down right away in order to both use this creative outlet to deal with my frustrations as well as find the right way to express what exactly is bothering me. Instead, I proceeded to sit there wallowing in self-pity.
It’s often tough tackling subjects and thoughts that upset you at the exact moment they are consuming most of your mind. For me, I tend to take the easy road by distracting myself or simply sitting it out until brighter thoughts cheer me up again or I’ve managed to put things into perspective.
Holding on to that perspective is something I should remind myself of daily. In the process of laying out all the plans not realised and all the goals not achieved yet, I keep ignoring the steps that I have made so far (it doesn’t matter how small or inconsequential they might seem). I need to stop comparing myself with my peers and, more importantly, cease being so envious of other people’s success. Whether I think they ‘deserve’ it or actually have what it takes is beside the point. While planning for and envisioning the future is essential, sometimes we have to bear in mind that most things do not happen over night. The years spent working in random little jobs are not wasted – without them I wouldn’t have been able to afford the things I needed to proceed or would have missed out on experiences that are consistently shaping the person I am.
Perseverance is the most vital trait one can cultivate. I know I will find myself in similar situations in the weeks and months to come, I’m far from over the hill with respect to drowning out self-doubting thoughts. Until I have learned to maybe maintain a more positive outlook on where I am right now in general, all there is left for me to do is to pull myself together and get up the next day and keep on going.
Keep on going, keep on going, keep on going. Until I’ll eventually be there (hopefully). As long as I don’t lose sight of where I’m headed (and there will be moments and periods of struggle, uncertainty, and what not), there’s no point in looking left and right. Seeing others strive and be where I would like to be does not make me any less of a person or an achiever. It’s simply different paths taken and different priorities had.